Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
