Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
