oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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