i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
