Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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