this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
