Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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