So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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