Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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