3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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