omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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