you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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