Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
