When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
