hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
