It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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