Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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