Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My bed smells like the plague
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