Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
