i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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