Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
