My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
