TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
