apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
