I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Say something about gay babies.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
