Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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