Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
