So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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