giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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