life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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