wanna go halves on a baby?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
