Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
