Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She bit a glass in half.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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