Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
