White coat. Heels.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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