Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
