My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
40s are totally the cure
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
