A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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