I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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