yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
