just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize