My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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