Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I love you. Go after that dick
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize