"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
