that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
