no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize