If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
