Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
