so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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