I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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