Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
