remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
