it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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