I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
