Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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