so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
