I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
