I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
