I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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