I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
