There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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