im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
