I didn't shave. On purpose
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize