Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Let's paint friendship bongs
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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