obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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