And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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