I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
