Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
