i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
