she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
