When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
