I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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