So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
