WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
