You just made me feel so damn special
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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