Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
