Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
