How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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