U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Everything about him screamed your future.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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