I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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