I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
