Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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