Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
